Today is just a quick post so I can keep the streak of 23 days alive. I promised myself I would post each day and carve out at least an hour for myself. Today didn’t work out that way. It started with my father calling me up at 11pm and waking me up from a deep sleep. HIs mind was playing tricks on him and he didn’t realize it was night time. I had promised him I would visit by 10am the next morning and by the time he saw it was 11pm he was confused and worried I wasn’t coming. His perception of reality is changing and his dream life is blending together in his waking life. His doctor says it could be a side effect of low blood oxygen levels or a bad interaction with a medication, or it could be dementia and paranoia. Whatever the cause or label, it is his experience and I have to honor that with kindness and reassurances.
If only he was an artist! We could appreciate the imagination for it’s creative potential rather than fret about it’s cruel terrors. As an artist I actually try to bring the dreams alive in the daytime. Tapping into the creative subconscious where you can fly in your dreams and experience new things is an opportunity to be inspired to create imagery that your waking self would never permit.
The closest description of what the hypnogogic state is like for most people is that moment just after waking when you are still sleepy and you had a really great dream and can imagine yourself doing something great that morning. I love those days. I eventually wake up and have an extra level of energy throughout the day.
A good motivational self talk can help cement the potential to the day. Other than first thing in the morning, the closest we can come to accessing our subconscious is when we go into the hypnogogic state of daydreaming. We can bring this creative awareness into being by defocusing our eyes and letting our mind settle. It is about permitting yourself to see the world as filled with limitless possibilities and then settling in on a single idea. It is a profound sense of YES!
Whereas the conscious mind is filled with concern about rules and the technical details of life, the hypnogogic mind that exist between being fully alert and awake as compared to asleep or unconscious is filled with creative potential. I can access it by listening to inspirational music or through meditation.
Unfortunately, last night my father was not having a good dream and his waking life was filled with fear and paranoia that comes with the potent combination of old age and being in an unfamiliar hospital environment. Everyone he comes into contact with is wearing a mask and he is left feeling alone until my mother and I can be there to show our faces share a smile and a gentle holding of his hand to let him know it was all just a bad dream.
As I thought about my father and the darkness that is permeating his mind I was reminded of this self-portrait image that I made while visiting the San Francisco Museum of Art in November of 2019. It has an eery feeling and I think it expresses the angst I am feeling today as I attempt to comfort my father and I think it also illustrates the way the dark content of the subconscious can sometimes seem to be pulling at our mind and playing tricks on us.
Philosophers are debating what reality is. There are those who have posited that reality exists beyond the physical constructs of the world and that whatever one thinks is their reality. I thought about this several times this week as I watched a nurse patiently walking beside a patient wearing a unicorn hat.
It seems that perception of matter and energy is not enough. It is the minds interpretation of the physical and the emotional worlds that creates one’s reality. I don’t have an opinion this, but I am thinking about these ideas a lot more today.
Be well and share some love with someone who needs it.
Kindest Regards,
