There is a balance between the subconscious, the reptillian brain, and the conscious self reflective mind that can make logical decisions.
Today I am realizing that the ratio between the part of my brain that can reason and decide is decreasing and the reptile brain is taking over as I feel myself moving towards auto-pilot with each new moment of crisis. The reptillian brain controls our heart rate, breathing, body temperature and balance. It manages our fight or flight instincts.
Trying to balance medical care for my father, home care for my mother, work, and a relationship with my wife has surpassed my capacity to think clearly. My inner reptile is coming out.
The good news is that I am able to be on auto-pilot because all the major decisions had been made and discussed years ago. I just have to enact the decisions and go with the flow. A quick email to the lawyer, a consult with hospice, and a text to the in home care team and I am done with logistics. My heart rate is staying remarkably calm.
With a laptop and internet access I have been able to work from the hospital and my parents house without skipping a beat. Last night Sarah and I even made our first meal on our new dual fuel range-oven combo after I finally got home. Smoked Salmon Carbonara and a good bottle of Old Vines Red from Woodward Canyon.
I can’t think straight but fortunately I don’t have to. I just need some sleep soon. Everything is in place as best I can make it and soon I will be aboard a sailboat where I can take some much needed respite.
I may miss a day or two while I am gone but I will do my best to keep posting. That too is now on auto-pilot which is a good thing.